I was supposed to be productive and start on my exam papers. But really not in the mood to set the papers so decided to blog instead. I was still telling myself yesterday morning that I should be efficient so that I can finish setting 1 EL paper and 3 CPA papers over the weekend as all the papers are due on Monday. Haiz...

Exam papers aside, I felt super guilty since yesterday. I accidentally broke Hu Han's precious NBA badge. It isn't any normal badge, it's a limited collection badge which he bought for $99 and there's only a thousand pieces available in the world. He took the effort to queue up for it in China and he was the first in the queue to get the badge. It has been his precious procession since last year, and yet, his evil teacher has to break it.

Before that incident, I can never understand how important a simple badge can be to a student until I saw the tears welling up in his eyes when the badge broke into two as it dropped to the floor. At that moment when his eyes turned red, my heart sank. At that instance, I felt so remorseful. I could see the anger in his eyes. When I wanted to explain it to him, he walked off without saying a word. He has the right to be angry. That was his treasured procession, something that he has been carrying with him all the time on his bag.

Maybe I've really gone overboard this time, I was testing his patience before that. He did not lose his cool and has learnt to rationalise matters and set his priorities right. Just when I was going to return the badge to him, such a thing has to happen.

Gosh, I felt so guilty now. I still remember the badge was confiscated a few days ago because he raised his voice at me. I was appalled at the way he reacted because he was such a polite student, and yet, because of a badge, he actually lost his cool. All I wanted to do is to teach him to set his priorities right. No matter what, as a chairman, he has to be polite and respectful, so that he can be a role model to his classmates. I told him that he had diminished the good impression that I had of him because of a badge. He understood that he was in the wrong and realised his mistake. He promised me that he will behave himself to redeem his badges. He did follow all the instructions that will given to him earnestly, tucking in his shirt, completing his holiday assignment, getting his classmates to sign the book list, etc.

Come to think of it, he's really a good student. A number of teachers have praises for this student. He has the potential to be a good leader, a modest, responsible and reliable chairman, sensible and mature in his thinking. What more can we ask for from a student? He isn't fantastic in his studies, but he shows a keen attitude in learning, he was even selected to be in the main band for the SYF competition. Furthermore, he has come all the way from China to pursue his education. He has to do everything on his own as he is living with his guardian. Honestly, not many students are capable of taking care of themselves as they are overly reliant on their parents.

Why did I overlook all his good points when he committed one mistake? Perhaps, my expectation of him is too high and I want him to be the perfect student. Perhaps, I want him to learn that there are many more important things in life other than his badge. Perhaps, I want him to learn to set his priorities right.

When I asked him if he would exchange his chairman badge for his NBA badge, he took a long time to consider that option. I was so worried that he would do that. He did not. To him, a chairman badge is more important that his NBA badge, a $5 chairman badge is more important than his $99 limited collection NBA badge. I was glad he made that choice. This proved that he is sensible. Even when I said that I would throw the NBA badge away if he did not want to exchange it with his chairman badge, he did not relent. I was right about him. He's mature in his thinking for a Sec one student.

Perhaps, God is punishing me for being so evil to him. The badge had to drop on the floor when I wanted to return it to him. I wanted to explain things to him, but i guess he's too angry to listen to anything. I wrote a note and asked Shaoxuan to pass it to him, not sure if he managed to pass the note with the money to him yesterday. Not sure if he would accept the 'compensation' with my sincere apology. SIGH... It's impossible for me to get an identical one for him since it's a limited collection badge. Where do I get such luck to find another person who has the badge where there's only a thousand pieces in circulation? Hopefully, the super glue can do wonders and glue the pieces together. Gosh, keeping my fingers crossed.


Anyway, Patsy and I were supposed to go for a drink after school on Friday but we didn't manage to because she had SPMC meeting and something on after that. I was just talking to her on Wednesday and I could see that she is really physically and mentally drained. It's not easy being a DM. It's a very tedious job especially when she has to juggle her teaching load and handle many discipline cases at the same time. After the level meeting during the white space, she was quite disappointed and disillusioned with what she has observed.

Although I can't help much, the least I can do is to be there when she needs to share her problems. We seldom get the chance to sit down and have a good chat in school during curriculum hours, because there will be a thousand and one things to complete, so we said that we should go out for a drink one of these days to destress. Initially, we arranged for Friday, and i asked Papa to join us, haiz, in the end, she couldn't make it. Nevertheless, I had a good chat with Papa over dinner.

Come to think of it, it's good to have such chat over dinner once in a while. We talked about work, students, family, friends, etc. With Papa around, there's no need to feel restricted about the kind of topics we can talk about. Compared that to having queenie around, it's really poles apart. haha.

Although it takes time off from other things, it just feels so much better after sharing. I am really thankful for having friends in the workplace, and not forgetting our royal family too. I really appreciate the friendship. They will be there to encourage you when the going gets tougher, advise you when you are faced with problems, assist you when you need help, or share the little achievement and satisfaction that you have, and most importantly, help you to stay sane in the midst of all those madness and datelines.


I had a good talk with Ming Kwang yesterday. He came to look for me in the staff room for a greedy reason. Then while i was talking to him, i noticed something bulky in his pocket. He denied that there was a handphone inside, so I purposely used my hp to call him and his hp vibrated. Haha. I told him that his hp has to be confiscated but he was bargaining with me because he wasn't using his hp.

With the phone in my hand, I was playing with the hp as the screen can be rotated 360 degrees. Then he told me not to do that because it pained his heart to see the screen being rotated. Hence, I went on to explore the function of his hp. Being the evil teacher, I made fun of him and forced him to smile as I took 2 pictures of him smiling reluctantly at the hp using the camera function.

Then somebody sent a message and I looked at the message with his permission of course, which he had no choice but to agree. Then his CPA teacher walked past and saw that he was with me and he was holding his hp. When she asked to see his hp, he refused and was rather impolite, very different from how he had reacted earlier on when he was with me. No matter what I said to him, he refused to do that, claiming that she was invading into his privacy if she were to do that. I was dumbfounded. It was only a simple request of looking at his hp and he claimed that she was invading into his privacy. Wasn't my earlier action of looking at his messages and his photo gallery worse than invading his privacy then?

I realised that by doing that, MK was putting her in a very awkward position when he refused to accede to that request. I asked to speak to him personally before the situation got worse. I chided MK for that, saying that he's showing his attitude again. I questioned him about the difference in treatment between the two teachers. I told him to put himself in her shoes. How would he feel if he was treated by a student that way, and it's obvious that the treatment is different.

By doing that, he's not giving 'face' to her, a term students like to use, and he's not being nice to her. Just like how students would accuse teachers of being biased, I told him that he, being a student, is biased against teachers too. Just because I'm closer to him, he allowed me to see the messages and look at his photo gallery, and yet, did not even allow her to look at the hp.

I cannot condone MK for behaving like that, and being fellow colleagues, I had to make sure that MK gave her the due respect that she ought to get from the student, regardless of whether they are close or not. He understood that he had to give her 'face' too and I made him apologise to her. The way he apologised was as if he was begging her to look at his hp instead.

I explained the matter to him, not that I purposely made things difficult for him, but he had to be respectful to all teachers. He understood that he was in the wrong. I told him that I appreciated him for allowing me to 'invade' into his privacy, for giving me 'face' by apologising to the teacher. It's not a simple task for him to do all that, especially when he's quite an egotistic person.

When I was teaching him last year, it was not easy relating to him. He's really an 'attitude' boy, someone who likes to show attitude and act tough. I spent quite some time talking to him, trying to change him, and made him understand that I am really sincere in helping him and I truly care for him. It's not an easy task but over the months, i was finally able to build that bond between us.

I guess when there's a bonding between a teacher and a student, it's easy to talk to him and get things done. It takes a lot of effort, patience and time, but I think it's necessary especially when we are dealing with difficult students.

I brought MK to IT room 1 when I had Infocomm Club training. He helped me to carry the boxes of digital cameras and video cameras, and my file and pencil case, no grudges at all. Then when he was standing with me while I was asking the students to sign attendance and talking to the trainer, he behaved uncouthly and nearly started a fight with one of my members.

Duh, he claimed that the student was staring at him and he was 'buay song'. That's the thing I hate about all these stupid staring incidents. Seriously, it's a nonsensical excuse for silly students to find fault with another student. Honestly, if you were not staring at the student, how would you know that somebody was staring at you too? So if both parties are guilty of staring at each other, then who should be 'buay song'? So stupid right? DUH.

Fortunately, I managed to stop him and asked him to wait for me outside while I settled my stuff first. I didn't feel safe leaving him in the lab when i was occupied with my CCA. He waited and I had another talk with him. I needed to explain matter to him again, telling him that it was very easy for him to jump to conclusion. It's evitable that people were staring at him. They were all upper sec students and they must be thinking what's a lower sec student doing in the lab, moreover, MK's not a member too. Just because people were checking him out, he flared up.

I knew he felt out of place there, I had no choice but to bring him up there because I wanted to keep him back for other things, and I can't be late for my CCA. Because of a small matter, he had to behave in an ah-beng manner. I really hated that, so if I'm angry with him then and stared at him, is he going to use that as an excuse to bash me up?

He didn't, and I told him I really disliked that unruly behaviour of his. I told him I had spent so much effort on him, wanting to change him and all those effort would be wasted if he were to get himself into trouble again. I told him how disappointed I was with him and he was really apologetic for that. He could sense my concern for him and my effort to help him. I guess, if the student could sense that a teacher truly cares for him, he will try to change for that teacher right?

I made him promise me three things, no more caning, no complaint about his attitude and work, and pass his mid-year exam. He promised me he would try and I really hope he will keep his promise. Oh, and cut his hair, bring a file with foolscap paper, student handbook and stationery. He claimed that all these changes will make him look like a nerd, but he will try. I rather he be a nerd than a beng, but it's hard for him to be a nerd when he's so beng. haha. We'll see on Monday.


That reminds me of Aloysius. I'm glad that he's making the effort to behave in class, no longer sleepy in class or putting his head on the table or be grouchy when i ask him to sit up straight during lesson. He's more attentive, positive and responsible now.

Even Wei An makes the effort to be attentive too. I was amazed to see him so keen in his studies and hardworking in learning for his spelling and vocab test. Rabbani is back after his long term suspension and he's enthusiastic about his studies too. Even Boon Kiat is less disruptive in class too although he is still as sleepy as before.

Still remember the talk that I had with Aloysius a few weeks back. I was quite fed up with him then. It was a Tuesday morning. He had a stomachache and needed to go to the toilet. But my exit pass was already given to Zhengsheng because he had a tummyache too. I told him to wait for ZS to come back first as I didn't want him to be caught for loitering because he didn't have an exit pass. Nothing wrong with that right, I just did not want him to get into trouble. I had no idea what came over him, he was so rude and commented that I could just send for caning lor as he couldn't be bothered, and then walked off to the toilet.

After the visit to the toilet, I wanted to explain to him that he could have handled the matter in a more appropriate way, but he became very defensive of himself. I knew that he was not ready to talk then and I did not want to escalate the matter, so I told him that I would talk to him after that during the next EL lesson when he was not so worked up.

Seriously, I have no idea what got into him, but his behaviour then was getting from bad to worst. Perhaps, he has committed too many offences, and one caning led to another, and he's really nonchalant and negative to everything. He would say things like 'send me for caning lah if you are not happy' or 'call my mother if you want to complain la'.

Honestly, it's very disheartening to see him behaving like this. I taught him in sec one and he was such a pleasant boy, helpful and polite, very different from how he is now. He was my CPA rep and he would always be the first one to finish his work and it's quality work that we were talking about.

I don't know what caused the drastic change in him when he was in sec two. He was rude to teachers, caught for smoking, truancy, loitering, etc. He was no longer the pleasant boy that I used to know.

Hence, when I knew that I was going to teach 3T1 this year, I told myself that I must really do something about him. I made him my subject rep again, not for CPA but for EL this time round. The teachers were surprised and commented that i had made a very wrong choice as he would either be absent or late, sleeps in class or doesn't do work. Hence, how can he be a good EL rep who can help me? I was very determined to prove them wrong. By giving him some responsibility, I was hoping that he could slowly change to become a better person.

I was disappointed on several occasions. I nearly gave up on him, but on second thoughts, if I were to give up on him, he would continue to misbehave and be disruptive. I did not want that to happen to him. I want the 'old' and nice Aloysius back. Hence, I persevere and continue to 'pester' him, hoping that he will change. The outburst of tantrums from him that particular day was the last straw that I can take. I can't just close one eye to it and don't do anything about it. Nor does sending him for caning help because that will only bring me one step closer to losing him.

I took him out from self-study period and talked to him. Initially, he was very uncooperative and pessimistic. He literally gave up on everything and couldn't be bothered anymore. I told him how I felt about the whole matter. I really wanted to find out what really happened to him last year that caused the drastic change in him, so that I can do something to help him. He told me he had no idea too, or perhaps he did not want to say. I told him that I had a good impression of him when he was in sec 1, and someone with a good personality then couldn't be that rude and disruptive now, because that is not his true self. How could someone be so different?

I gave him a choice: Does he want me to leave him alone at one corner and allow him to sleep during my lessons, or he will make the effort to change? I was taking a risk, because if he were to choose the first option, I would lose him forever, and there is no chance of me wanting to do more to help him. After much struggling, he chose the second option, but he can't promise me that he would change, but at least he will try. Phew! At least that half an hour plus of talking has not gone down the drain. Oh rather, he could sense my sincerity in helping him and my concern for him.

Before he went in to his classroom, he told me 'Miss Ang, you shouldn't be a teacher.' I was quite offended. I'm like...am i such a lousy teacher? Then he continued, 'You should be a counsellor instead.' I was very surprised and delighted when i heard that. But to reassure myself that it was a praise and not an insult, i asked him why? Is it because I'm very naggy or i have wasted his time or I've managed to convince him that I'm truly sincere to help him? He smiled and said it's not the first two reasons. He did not know how to explain that, but from his bashful smile, I guess that's his way of conveying that I have managed to touch his heart, and he appreciates what I have done for him. I felt so good after that talk, at least I have touched his heart, even though that left me with 45 minutes less to settle my stuff on that super busy day. It's really time well spent because after that talk, he really makes the effort to behave and be attentive in class, and he is definitely more positive and responsible.

I guess, this is the kind of satisfaction that makes you feel good about yourself and that reaffirms me that I have not made a wrong choice to join the teaching profession, even though there's tons of things to do. haha. Time to get a good rest before embarking on my exam papers.

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